Early Mornings

Hello everyone, and welcome back into the world of the Bear Team! I know it’s been awhile since last time. Hopefully today’s post will help to illustrate the reasons why I’ve been slow to publish of late. Due to holiday preparation (yes, we get ready for Christmas in October!) I’ve been arriving at work at the unholy hour of 5:00 am for the last three weeks. This early start time, combined with ten hour work days, has left me feeling a bit out of it. For your reading pleasure, I now present a “real time” summary of what the average day is like for me. I swear it’s all true!

3:30 am: Alarm clock kicks on, blaring “classic rock” song that will be stuck in my head all day. I hit snooze and immediately go back to sleep.

3:35 am: Alarm sounds again. I consider smashing clock to pieces the size subatomic particles, but instead push the snooze button again.

3:40 am: See previous sentence.

3:47 am: I finally get up and stagger to the bathroom. After splashing cold water on my face, I promptly turn around and crash into the door, which I don’t remember closing behind me.

3:50 am: I pour myself a cup of coffee and turn on the television, which offers the following programs for my viewing pleasure: an infomercial for Viagra; an infomercial for a memory supplement; seventeen infomercials for diet plans and/or products; reruns of “The King of Queens;” and softcore pornography on Cinemax.

3:51 am: I turn off the television.

3:58 am: I open the refrigerator to get my lunch, but then discover that I didn’t prepare any lunch the night before. I scramble to throw something together and end up with a Lean Cuisine frozen dinner and a granola bar.

4:05 am: I kiss Dena goodbye and head for the front door.

4:06 am: I realize I’ve forgotten to turn off the coffee pot and kitchen light and that I need to go to the bathroom

4:15 am: I leave the apartment and start toward the car.

4:16 am: I can’t be 100% sure that I turned off the coffee pot.

4:20 am: Having double checked everything, I finally head for work.

4:25 am – 4:50 am: I drive through the dark, swerving regularly to avoid deer, raccoons, possums, dogs, cats, cows, armadillos, donkeys, unicorns, squirrels, groundhogs, skunks, centaurs, roadrunners, coyotes, bears, wolves, chipmunks, dragons, and hitchhikers.

4:55 am: I arrive and begin a mad dash to clock in before being counted as late.

5:00 am – 3:30 pm: I do all the things for which the Walgreen company pays my salary.

3:35 pm: I get back in the car and head home, another work day over and done.

3:51 pm: I stop at the package store and by a fifth of Smirnoff vodka. Memories of the work day be gone!

4:01 pm: I narrowly avoid death while attempting to navigate afternoon traffic.

4:10 pm: I arrive at home and stumble up the stairs, most likely appearing as if I’ve already had a few shots from the bottle, even though the seal has yet to be broken.

4:11 pm: I walk through the door into the apartment. I now have a full four hours to do all of the things that the average person does in a day (spend time with my wife, eat dinner, drink, watch television, check email, drink, read, feed the cats, pay bills, return phone calls, drink, eat three quarters of a bag of potato chips, sit on the couch in my underwear, take out the garbage, and drink) before preparing to wind down for the night.

8:30 pm: I drag myself into the bedroom and collapse into bed, already dreading aonther 10-12 hour day. But there is hope. The busy season doesn’t last forever. There should be only one more week of 5 am start times. I think. Well, maybe two more weeks. Or possibly three. Four at the absolute most. Is anyone hiring?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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